For all the dogs who've touched our hearts

Life lessons from my extra special dog

There are many wonderful things to learn from living with a special needs dog.

I wrote my last blog, sitting up in the middle of the night waiting for Merlin to settle. I wrote it because the sleepless night reminded me of the years when he was sick and afraid.

If you missed it you can find it here: It takes a village: a short tale of gratitude.

Merlin is much better now and we took quite a journey together. It was sometimes hard, often joyful and I learned a lot, so I'd like to share some life lessons I learned from my extra special dog.

"This too shall pass"

An old Sufi saying of infinite wisdom – Yes it does, all of it, the bad stuff and the good. Life is changeable and that’s its curse and its joy.

Sitting here now with a happy, healthy dog at my feet I’m glad for that. I know though that “This too shall pass” so on to my next point.

Enjoy the time we have right now

This one is hard. It’s easy to get caught up in the negatives especially when your dog is sick, afraid or while living in a world terrified of COVID, but as I look at the dog next to me, now is the only time we have.

(Pause to rub his soft, warm belly.)

His favourite thing

There's no such thing as perfection

Quite frankly the search for perfection does nothing but hold us back. Returning Merlin to happiness and health was a messy, imperfect process.

I tried lots of things and some worked but others did not. There was no easy answer, there was no out of the box solution. What worked stayed and what didn’t I left behind.

Which brings me to some well meaning but bad advice:

Try one thing at a time so you know what works

This sounds logical but think about it like this: if your leg was gushing blood, you wouldn’t mess around finding the right sized bandage, you’d throw everything at it and slowly remove what you didn’t need.

This may be different if you’re a doctor, nurse or paramedic with a tonne of experience, but even then you’d apply more than needed until the bleeding slowed, at least a bit.

We’re not science experiments. Sometimes we need a big helping of all sorts of things to help us cope – and that’s fine.

My dog was in pain, he was afraid. I threw everything at him and slowly took things away. This worked for us.

Find experts you can trust

Training, health, behaviour rehabilitation, nutrition, pharmacology, physiotherapy are all fields with their own specialities. It’s worthwhile finding specialists with expertise you trust and who have personalities that make you feel safe… you need to talk freely, ask questions, express your concerns and feel you're heard.

This is not always straight forward; you can expect to find some who don’t click or don’t respect your needs. Look at their credentials, follow them on Facebook, see what others are saying, look at reviews and ask around.

Vets and vet technicians do a wonderful, difficult job and deserve to be respected, so remember to treat them with understanding and kindness too. Ultimately you’ll need to collaborate for some time so you need a good working relationship.

Mr. Gorgeous

Learn, learn and learn some more

I am so grateful for what I’ve learned about dogs. This education helped me make training and behavioural decisions that best suited Merlin’s specific needs.

I also knew there was much I didn’t know such as massage, physio, nutrition and pharmacology. So I learned enough to ask informed questions and to work out who to consult.

The internet makes learning easy but always remember we don’t know what we don’t know. Learn, ask questions, listen to answers with an open mind, and learn some more.

Look after yourself

When you’re worried about your dog it’s easy to forget to look after yourself but sleep, enjoyment, relaxation, time with family and friends are essential to keeping you in good shape, and you can only properly look after your dog if you're in good (well maybe reasonable) shape.

Of course it can be almost impossible at times, but do your best and seek help from those who care about you and your dog. Find a few people you can share with, who will understand when you just need to collapse, this can work miracles for your mental health.

And finally: