For all the dogs who've touched our hearts

Good at or skilled at?

Is it better to be "good" at or "skilled" at something? There is a difference and it may be affecting the way you teach your dog.

And why it makes a difference

I recently challenged myself to do more advanced training. I made a plan, bought what I needed and made good progress – but then started procrastinating, hmmm….

Interestingly an answer appeared on Netflix.

One of my current loves is a Chinese drama called The Princess Weiyoung. It’s fabulous: bursting with intrigue, romance, formidable villains and gorgeous landscapes, set in a vastly different cultural backdrop. I was watching it happily one night when I noticed something interesting.

The heroine of the story, Princess Weiyoung, learns that her favourite cousin Minde has been attacked. To help him recover she makes a bowl of Birds Nest soup. He’s filled with admiration, asking “you made this yourself?”, to which she replies “I’m not very skilled but I thought you should try some.”

Not very skilled.

I noticed this phrase used again and again. Not once did the characters say, "I’m not good" or "not good at it".

The power of language

Language is powerful. More powerful than we realise.

I’ve always believed that I’m not good at maths, that my brain doesn’t work that way. It often made me the butt of jokes in my family.

I remember looking helplessly at Pythagoras Theorem and asking my teacher how it could be used in life, I needed something to makes sense of the intangible equation, but he snapped at me to be quiet. Perhaps I’m not bad at Maths, perhaps I didn’t have the opportunity to become skilled.

I’m not good vs I’m not skilled: the difference may not seem like much, but "I’m not good at maths" feels like a personal failing, whereas "I’m not skilled at maths" means I haven’t learned or practised enough to do it well. That feels empowering.

Princess Weiyoung recognised it was her lack of practise not an inborn deficit that caused her soup to be less than perfect.

Bird nest soup

Language creates behaviour

I’ve come to a difficult part of the training and I’m worried I’ll mess it up. It’s an area I’m not 'skilled at' but I feel like I’m not 'good at', and that’s causing me to drag my heels. Princess Weiyoung has drawn attention to the importance of our inner dialogue, we need to watch our language and the feelings it brings. We can choose to feel 'not good at' and continue to procrastinate, or see the path forward as tangible, doable things to learn, so we can become 'skilled at'.

It all begins with the words we use.

I had my first session back training this morning, and it felt really good to be growing my skills!

I have 2 questions for you: